And I'm Over Here Like...

Cameron understands me. He knows.

Guys, I am getting really frustrated with life: trying to save money, working all the time to get said money to save, trying to have a social life, etc. But nothing irks me more than ALSO having a theatre life. 

Let me tell you folks, being an actor is having another world inside the one you all of you "normal" people live in. You don't know it's there except for maybe seeing a musical about Mormons in Africa or owning a television. And many of you probably think "that's easy, I can do that" to which I say, "uh-fuck uh-you".

Now, don't get me wrong, to some people it's as easy as breathing. But even THAT will only get you so far. For you business types that get out of college and just look for a job in your field, you have no idea how easy you have it. Actors do not get that luxury. No, when we get out of college, we have to find a job to support us until our career takes off which, for most, doesn't happen until your late thirties or early forties UNLESS, you have  money. 

Oh, what I would give to have money. You get out of school and then you're just stuck in limbo for years until you've realized it's been months since you last acted and maybe you forgot how to do it! Well, that's not good. So you request more auditions (yes, request. Most of the time you have to be accepted to audition) to which you don't get a response back to for maybe a month. Then finally, you do! Then you wait to see if you get a callback...I think this will be easier to follow in NUMBER form!!

#1: Apply to Audition
#2: Wait to hear back
#3: If no response, repeat #1 and #2
#4: If response, Callback
#5: Repeat #2
#6: If no response, repeat #1 and #2
#7: If response, Cast


That should make things a little more readable. Now, this process can take anywhere from 3 days to forever.

Now, if you DO get a part: hooray!! It's most likely UN-paid. Which means you will basically be spending money you don't have to get to each rehearsal.


Don't want to to do stage theatre? No problem. There are plenty of agents in this city that don't want you unless you've had some experience in Chicago stage theatre OR have taken specific classes. So, head back up to that #1 and try your luck out. Not interested in doing stage theatre? Classes it is.  Let's see: an average on camera class in this city is about $350. There are usually 2 or 3 classes in the section and, let's say you want to take all 3, that would bring your total to $1050. But, wait a minute, you should really update those drab headshots from college your friend did for you for free and get some professional ones done! That will be an extra $350, please.

Phew! That is a LOT of money. But, don't worry, we're not done yet!! You should also have something different about you. For example: playing the banjo or any other instrument that you won't find in an orchestra, silks or any type or aerial acrobatics, singing (to be fair, this will help a LOT. Musical theatres are in high demand), odd skills (literally, anything odd).

Don't have any of these life skills? You can pay for them!! We will be generous and say that if you wanted to take a class to fulfill any of these requirement it will cost you, on average, $45 for 1 day of class. You will have to take more than one so we will say that you do 2 classes a week for 3 months. That sounds like a great start! That will be $1080 for a 3 month session session (this calculation is VERY vague as these differ from place to place).

Now, there are some things that can happen if you play your cards right. For example: working hard in college can turn into leading roles which morph into winning theatre awards which can mean important people see you that may not have and they want you to be an apprentice at their theatre so you go there and then agents from all over the country see you and they want you to sign with them so now you are graduated and living in the city of your choice with an agent who is getting roles for you and you haven't had to pay for diddly-squat. But that is just 1 person out of 1,000. The rest of us have to work jobs we hate to make enough money to support the job we love.



Even though this all sucks, we do it. We forgo having a social life because we know, in the long run, this will all be worth it; All the money we could have used for something else, all of the time spent memorizing and ALL of the rejection: it will make us stronger in the end.

Below are some Chicago based acting classes/other classes that I believe people would benefit from the most.

http://www.actorsgymnasium.org/

http://www.actingstudiochicago.com/

http://www.blackboxacting.com/


And finally, I will leave you with this moment that speaks to actors far too well:

The Struggle is Real

Guys, this is harder than it should be. I am on day 3 of my social media hiatus and I have no idea when anyone's birthday is. I missed on of my friends birthdays because I wasn't paying attention and who knows what else I have missed. I think  my hiatus may be over.

It was a good break but, I am missing on a lot of opportunities. Such as: parties, people trying to reconnect with me, network connections I could be making for my carreer, etc. This just isn't working so NEW PLAN!


Cut down on the social media!!!!!

I can do that. I can easily do that (but I also thought I could easily do it before...).

Short post. Gotta get on the Facebook and figure out what I've missed!

UPDATE

I had 17 notifications and they were all invitations I would have ignored anyway...Seems as though no one missed me while I was gone 

An Experiment

I have decided, that after 8 years of being glued to the computer screen/my phone/ipad, that I am taking a break from social media.

Recently, within the past year, there have been many mass riots happening via social media. People I once respected show how little they will fall just to have their opinion smashed into the faces of their "friends". I find that, most of those friends I have on facebook, are no longer friends. In fact, I am friends with people who actually despise me. Keep your enemies closer, am-I-right?

Now, don't get me wrong. I understand why people are upset about things or excited about other things, but Facebook/twitter/instagram/whatever else there is out there, isn't where I care to hear about them. When I see hundreds of the same people posting about the same thing, all I wonder is how I managed to escape that crazy train of conformity.

I know what is happening in the world. I read the news, I am aware of the world around me. I do not need to hear how YOU feel unless we are in a face to face conversation about said thing.

Also, what do you hope to accomplish with all of your berating?  I don't see anyone ACTUALLY doing anything about what they are so mad at. All that does is open up a floodgate of feedback that just makes you mad and them mad and then everyone is mad.

So, after about 3 months of hating a lot of people I once loved, I have decided to take a break. A break from all the hate and the blatant disregard of human interaction. Of people assuming the worst in others by what is written and not what was said. I don't know how long this hideous will last. I, like most, have had a very strict schedule to uphold to facebook. We have been seeing each other for about 20 times a day for 8 years. I can only imagine the things I will be able to accomplish without this distraction in front of me; the books I have been putting off, the scripts I have been meaning to read, the monologues I have been wanting to memorize. You would think that I would still be able to do these even WITH facebook lurking around, and, you may be right. But there have been times where I will knowingly choose to look at status updates for hours on end just to get out of doing other things: other things that could help me further my career and become someone that I like. 

So, without further adieu, the list:

• Facebook
• Twitter (I don't actually have one anyway)
• Instagram (but I still may take pictures...)

The deadly 3. I will try as hard as I can to stay away from these 3 social media sites for as long as I can. And, I have to tell you, I already feel this weight being lifted off my shoulders and the ever occurring anxiety I feel when I go on said sites. I will update as I go so all of my zero followers will know how I am doing (could get interesting). 

WISH ME LUCK!!

When Your Best Friend Finds Your Blog

Wow. I never thought this day would come. It's been almost 3 years since I started this and, up until now, a small (very small [minuscule]) amount of people have seen this. But, it happened. That's what I get for having a friend who likes to snoop. So this post is dedicated to her.

GABY

First off:

Second:

My wine nights have been sad since you've been away. For my regular blog followers (obvious sarcasm) who are reading this and are not Gaby, she has been away for a year or so in Disney making everyones lives better while they slowly crush her soul; as most customer service oriented places tend to do.  (see my post on customer service)

Drinking with my dog is much less exciting when he doesn't drink with me. In fact, the more I drink, the sadder it gets. And the sadder it gets, the more I can see the judgment in his eyes.

Always watching...

Since GABY has been away, she has made new friends who are way less awesome than I am because they don't have posts dedicated to her and therefore are terrible people and should just give her some money to help her leave Florida because she would much rather be with her REAL best friend. (psst. Gaby, I'm trying to get you more money by being mean. Let me know if it worked!)

Speaking of Hamlet (feature in above picture), Gaby is his Aunt. She was there when we picked him up and she was the first one to smoosh his cute little face! Here is a picture of that moment!

Oh my god. He was so TINY!!

Remember when we took a pit stop and let him explore the grass and he was so hoppy and floppy and adorable?! Because I do. And the sky was super clear and you could see an endless amount of stars. 

I also remember the first time I met you: It was my first ever power hour. I can't remember who I went there with though but I was getting hit on a lot by "you-know-you". Let's call him Chet. He was really nice and I was new to the school and had no idea who anyone was and you called me over to you and James and you said "you don't want to do that. He's weird. Plus you're really hot and can do way better than that." And I believed you. Because you were nice to me and made me feel good about myself. I also remember the first time we ever hung out.

It was during the corn festival! The delicious corn festival that I miss so much. We were strolling, eating corn, being bosses. You wanted to get James a gift because he was feeling all down in the dumps for not getting cast in anything (flash forward 4 years later and he's doing a little bit of ----->

You got him a bow and arrow made by Boy Scouts. We bring it to him and he proceeds to shoot it at a door and, instead, hits the door knob. It ricochets back at us and he catches it with one hand. He was in a goofy mood after that. Wink. 

Also, as I am writing this, there was a fax that came in...

Last thing, before I go, I just wanted to say that I can't wait for your ass to get up up to Illinois so we can have awesome times together again!

BALEEBLE!

Just Breathe

Deep breath in...2...3... and out.

How can one person screw up this much? I know how to work a phone and how to print things. But when the people I put on hold hang up or the printer is broken, everyone looks to me for blame. I am new here, just like you all were however many years ago you decided to sell your soul. Although I am sure the money is nice. That is the only reason I am still here; 1 week in, 3 more to go and I am so happy to be a temp.

You don't want to screw up and you want to make a good impression because 1 bad review and you won't get hired anywhere else.

There goes your spending money, rent money, grocery money, dog food money, chinchilla food money and transit money. Guess it's time to find a strip club somewhere. 

When life stresses you out and makes to feel as though everything is the worst, just take a deep breath and count to 10. Like Kimmy said "if you can get through 10 seconds you can get through anything"

Here are some thoughts from my day at the office:

• How the hell do you spell definitely (thanks spell check!)?
• Is it 5 yet?
• The door is closed and he's talking to someone but the phone is for him and I don't know if I should knock on the door or just let myself in or call his phone even though I'm 2 feet away?
• Where is that meowing coming from?
• I don't know where the last temp put that! Why are you shouting at ME?!
• Ah, shit. I just ordered to much paper...maybe no one will notice.
• This desk is going to be covered in sticky notes by the time I leave here.
• Guess I'll get my 5th cup of coffee for no reason other than to get away.
• Sometimes I feel like Emily in that scene from The Devil Wears Prada when Andy comes in late and Emily says "What took you so long I had to PEE!?"

• I am living the Devil Wears Prada
• I am Andy
• My boss is Miranda. A gay man Miranda.
• Okay, just Miranda.
• Instead of clothes it's art pieces 
• They're not good art pieces
• Some of them are okay
• Is it 5 yet?
• I wonder if anyone can notice this run in my tights?
• I should look at pictures of cute animals to pass the time.
• Should I water the plants that the woman I'm taking over for has?
• I accidentally tried drowning them
• I've been on pinterest for hours and I just can't anymore
• Who am I kidding? Let's search for cute animals.

To Be, Or Not To Be...A Temp

So you finally got a job! Sort of. 

This is it. You're first 9-5 job ever. You are an adult now. It is time to start acting like one.

Tips for acting like an adult:

• Wake up early
• 6:30am should be good
• Make yourself breakfast
• Time to start eating all those boxes of oatmeal you've accumulated 
• If you bought them, maybe you would be more than just a "only coffee in the morning" person
• Take a shower/put on your makeup
• Gotta look good now that you have a job where people care what you look like
• Pack yourself a lunch
• Let's face it, you are still to poor to go out every afternoon
• Put on your business attire!!
• Remind yourself to go buy business attire
• Get yo' ass out into that beautiful 9-5 world and be fabulous!
• After 8 hours, come home and wait for someone else to need you...

The life of a temp is stressful. You never know when you are going to get your next employment opportunity. Or, if you're lucky like I am, you're first temp job will be a long one.

BUT, if you are like everyone else, than you will have 1-2 day jobs most of the time. 

PROS

• $11-$15/hr
• Lunch break
• Bathroom whenever you want
• Most likely, you will be doing office work 
• Sitting on your butt all day

CONS

• You can't get into a routine
• Always going somewhere new
• Weeks of no work
• Small paychecks

But, so far, this month long gig is helping me pay my rent and that is all that matters. Any financial issue after this job is over is future me's problem.

Jobs

Jobs are like a bad relationship: When you finally find one you get really excited and the first few days are awesome and then after a while you start getting frustrated with it and realize you aren't being paid enough to deal with the shit you have to deal with. And then, while you're still trying to "work things out" with the job you have, you secretly look for a new one.

Jobs are an enigma. Everyone needs one to live but no one will give you one you deserve. You may have a college degree and a world of experience to have the job of your dreams but, the thing that people don't tell you, is that those "dream" jobs just don't exist. They aren't real. They are made up stories like the Easter Bunny and World Peace.

Careers, on the other hand, can be a job very close to the job of your dreams. For the most part it is just people settling with the sad, crappy lives they've somehow managed to obtain for themselves.

Now, I am not saying my life is awesome. I am, in fact, that sad person with a crappy job.

I firmly believe that everyone should work in customer service at least once in their life to realize how terrible people can really be.

You are not more privileged than I am just because I am making your coffee and you are wearing a suit. You do not have the right to tell me how to do my job because I do not come down to your office and back-seat drive your daily duties. This is not the job I want to have for the rest of my life. This is not my career. I am still poor even though I work here. The last thing I need is someone like you to make me feel like I am less than a person.

A bit of advice I want to leave all of you youngens with is this:

Try to work at many different places with different responsibilities. It will help you in the long run.