Self Esteem

Life is hard.

It may seem as though it may be hard for some than others but that is a blatant misconception.

Everyone everywhere has had good luck in their lives and bad luck. It just so happens that you notice their good luck when you are having your bad. That doesn't mean that they are better or luckier than you, they are just experience the ups in their life at the moment.

I can't tell you how often I feel cheated and worthless in life because the people around me are doing so well. I get envious of them and then unhappy with myself because I think "why am I not getting the things that they are?"

It hurts the most when the good things are happening to the people you love. You want so badly to be happy for them but in the little crevice of your mind, all you hear is "why can't I have that? What's wrong with me?"

Here is a little bit of brutal honesty:

NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU

You are unique and one of a kind and your life is nothing like anyone elses. You cannot compare yourself to anyone.

I am an actor and I always compare myself to my boyfriend who also happens to be an actor. But this is silly because A.) I am not him and have not lived his life and B.) I am not a boy. I cannot compare myself to a man in the world of acting because, in this situation, gender roles are sort of a big deal.

I am a hypocrite. I tell people these things all the time but need others to tell ME this. We don't listen to ourselves when we need to hear it the most.

My advice is to take a moment, close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths. Don't think, don't speak, just be in the moment. No matter what you are going through, there is nothing that 3 breaths can't fix.

Attention! Attention, please!

Have you ever been in a group of people in the midst a heated conversation and you want to put in your two cents but you're a polite person whom waits for people to finish speaking before giving them your input but every time you try and say something you are always cut off?

OR

Maybe you're in a relationship, long distance let's say, and your S.O is incredibly busy with specific things, and you know it to be true, but you just got surgery done and haven't heard from them in a day or so and you wait to see if they say anything and another day passes and another until you realize they either don't care or don't remember and when you DO hear from them, it's never a long conversation but rather a question about something insignificant like "do you remember where I put my blue sock?"

I don't think I'm a bad person if I want attention every now and then. All my life I feel as though I've walked all over and I allow it to happen because I am not the kind of person to make enemies.

But it has gotten to a point where, even in my relationship, I don't get attention and I'm fucking sick of it. This has been going on for almost 7 months and I am balancing in the middle of seeing how much longer I can stand it and giving up.

All I want is some recognition that I exist to you!

Send me something cute on facebook
Text me something MEANINGFUL during the day
Call me at least once every two days
Do something for me. Anything. Literally, it can be anything at this point. Like a flower you found in the garbage. I'll take it. It's better than the nothing I am getting now.

Just...woof.

Food

Since my tonsillectomy, food has become a rarity in my life. I never realized what a strong relationship I had with food until it was gone...

However, I am a determined little minx if I have anything to say about it! And, although it probably wasn't the best for my throat, my psyche was incredibly pleased.

Now, if anyone of you have had their tonsils removed or anything similar to the pain of your throat exploding into your ears, than you will understand me when I say "pointy and hot foods are a no no". And, even if this has never happened to you, I am sure you can fathom some sort of imagery as to why this may be a bad idea.

SO!

Being the ignorant lover of food that I am, I challenged myself.

Foolishly.

I challenged myself foolishly. 

I was getting REAL sick of water and Naked juice. There were a few days in there where that was LITERALLY all I ingested. No substance of any kind. And you may be thinking "but Naked juice is basically a meal in a cup" and you would be right...to an extent. It does fill you up, but the flavor gets old so fast and sometimes your mouth just wants a giant Angus hamburger cooked on a charcoal grill with 3 strips of peppercorn rubbed bacon, peach salsa and Makers Mark brand BBQ sauce...

So, I made it a goal to eat something I wanted to and the only thing I had on hand was Pizza Rolls. Now, don't get me wrong, Pizza Rolls are my middle school past time. I am surprised I am not 200lbs heavier from the amount I ate after school...every day...for years. THEIR JUST SO FREAKING GOOD!!

So I made 4 of them, microwave style (since oven style would produce a crispier crust) waited for them to cool off a bit and slowly nibbled on the outskirts of the rolls.

At first I was like "Okay, yeah. This is working. I can totally swallow th-" I stopped because when I DID try and swallow it, my throat was not having it. But I was determined and so I forced it down nibble by nibble until the were all gone.

Was I happy with myself? Yes.
Could I have potentially damaged my throat? I doubt it, but for the sake of suspense, YES
Would I do it again? I don't know...somehow, I think all I needed was the small break of insanity to put my back together for a few days. But, we will see what happens on day 8 and go from there.

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EXTRA

Other food I have dreamt about while on this heinous "diet":

• Taco Bell
• Pizza (in general)
• Olive Garden's salad and breadsticks
• Potbellys
• Jersey Mikes
• Panera Bread (general)
• Wendy's spicy chicken nuggets
• Bacon
• Bacon
• SO MUCH BACON
• Toast
• Chili
• Honey Nut Cheerios (and I don't even like cereal that much)
• Pickles

That One Time I Got A Tonsillectomy

So I am currently on day 3 of my recovery from my tonsillectomy. I am 22 and, let me tell you, it isn't as bad as the internet tells you it is. Who knew the internet could lie to you?

Any way, I have been lying in bed eating pudding, popsicles and drinking all the water I can manage to swallow (which is not as much as I would like)

So this is for all of you 20-somethings hoping to take the leap into an emptier throat.

Day of SuRgErY (it's supposed to look spooky?):

First off, my friend, don't freak out. It is a super simple procedure that takes 25 minutes, tops. If you go somewhere that is known for doing mostly tonsillectomy's, you should have no problems. They put specific narcotics in your IV to 1.) knock you out and 2.) prevent you from vomiting all over the place from the anesthesia.

Second, have food ready and waiting in your fridge. Pudding, Jell-O, popsicles, gatorade, water, etc. Stay away from citrus drinks and food because the acidity will stab at your throat like a man shanking you in a prison courtyard; it's not pleasant.

The other days (so far):

• you will drool an odd amount. I noticed this just recently but every time I wanted to take a nap it was like I hadn't swallowed in years and all of my saliva would run out of my mouth without my consent. Although, it was between that and swallowing it and I just didn't want to deal with that pain. Yes, it hurts to swallow, but if you take your pain meds as directed by your doctor than it's only a mild pain.

• It will hurt to swallow but you have to power through it. If you don't get liquids (mostly water) in you, bad things will happen. BAD THINGS! Just, don't do it. Good thing there is pain medication!

• If you want to eat some solid food day 1, then do it. As long as it isn't something spicy, pokey, scratchy or too hot of a tempurature. I had a cold pasta noodles (Suddenly Salad, Classic) for 2 days and it was beautiful. The noodles are so small you can just swallow them whole, no need to chew (which also can be a bit tricky)

• You may hear people say "Don't sleep!" but I don't listen to those people because I love to sleep. And so I did and do! I usually like to nap right after I take the pain medication. Because 1.) it sort of calms your entire body down and makes you relaxed and 2.) it numbs he throat a bit so you don't have to worry about painful swallowing. And VIOLA, you are out like a light...for about 4 hours until the pain medication wears off. But that's okay because it just so happens you can take it every 4 hours so you just take it again and go back to sleep. It is a beautifully vicious cycle. <-- This is what my meds say. Do as yours say. Not as I say.

That's all I really have for you so far. Like I said, I am only 3 days in...

HANG IN THERE EMPTY THROATERS!!

Customer Service or Why People are the Worst

I have been working in customer service my entire life. Every job I've ever had had something to do with being nice and smiling all the time to people I do not know. Because of that, I have a lot of friends that are in the customer service field as well.

Here are some things I have noticed myself or what others have told me about being in customer service.

1. Tips

Here is something that most non customer service workers (NCSW's for short) don't understand: WE LIVE OFF TIPS. If you can afford to drink/eat/pay someone else to do what you are too lazy to or don't have enough time to do, than you should at least thank those people by giving them a couple of bucks for their hard work. And we are not saying "give me the change in the bottom of your purse." Throw in a dollar, don't be a cheap person.

2. WHERE we work

The current job us CSW's have is NOT our long term goal. We do not plan on being a bartender the rest of our lives or a waitress or, god forbid, working in the retail business. We are working at these jobs because we are in college/need money/second job; this is NOT what we want to do for our career. And, if there is someone out there that actually wants to do these jobs as a career; bravo. You must have a lot of patience.

To those people that confront us at our job for whatever reason, remember that we do not plan to be here the rest of our lives. One day, we may be your boss so don't get on our bad side.

3. DON'T BE A DICK 

For the LOVE of GOD, we are not your slaves! We are not here to take your shit and do whatever the hell you think you deserve. We are part time employees who need this job to live. Don't pull the bottom shirt in a stack of nicely folded shirts so that they all go everywhere; don't order a drink at Starbucks, pay for it then decide AFTER you get your drink that you wanted it iced; don't ask for outlandish requests to the hotel front desk; YOU ARE NOT BETTER THAN WE ARE! We are the ones cooking your food, making your drinks, refolding the shirts you threw everywhere. Don't fuck with us. We have more power than you will ever know. We are ALSO not your escape from being nice to OTHER people all the time.

You're a 40 year old man who works at a giant company making $100,000 a year and you're demanding your coffee tastes funny after we remade it for the third time and want your money back and then tell me what a terrible employee I am and the terrible company I work for. Bravo. You just brought down a 22 year old girl. I hope you feel good about yourself. I have no control over the company I work for. You can tell me how expensive things are and how things should change as loud as you want around me, I'm not going to do jack shit. I have no power there. All you're doing is bitching in close proximity to me.

All you have to do is understand that this job sucks. Give us a smile, refold clothes you unfold, don't complain too much, crack a joke; all you have to do is BE A NICE PERSON!!



This all seems easy. If people weren't dicks to CSW's, maybe more people would want to work in this field. Most of the jobs in this world are customer service based. You would think people would be nicer to us since there is a 98% chance that they were once in this business as well.

So, again, don't fuck with us. And give us a decent tip.

Roommates

Roommates: you can't live with them and you can't afford an apartment without them.

Sometimes people get lucky and they end up rooming with random people who turn out to be the best and sometimes you get random people who end up being the worst. It is all a luck of the draw.

If you find that you have people who want to live with you: awesome! Don't fuck it up.

Here are some 20-something tips to not making the people you live with your enemies:

Have a sit down

Take a moment to sit down with all of your roommates and create a list of things each person doesn't like. This should consist of things in the apartment and NOT of each other. For example:

Problem: "I don't like when the dishes pile up"
Solution: "Okay, how about we all do our own dishes within 24 hours of being used."

Problem: "I don't like when people eat my food."
Solution: "Neither does anyone else."

Once you have a list of things each roommate would like to avoid in the apartment, then you can continue on to...

Compromises

If there are some problems that your roommate has that you don't, make a compromise with them. Example:

Roommate A: "I don't like the smell of weed."
Roommate B: "I love smoking weed. But if it bothers you, I can smoke it in my room."

A: "I want to have my boyfriend spend the night sometimes."
B: "That's uncomfortable for me. I would like to meet him BEFORE you invite him over."

A: "Please don't walk in my room when the door is closed"
B: "I will knock first. Who knows that you are doing in there..."

See! Look how well these two letters are getting along!

Togetherness Time!

Set a time once a week (or biweekly) to hang out with each other. Find a common interest and let yourselves bond. These people are going to be living with you for 9-12 months and everything runs smoother if they are your best friends and not your mortal enemy. 

Other

If there is a common area in your apartment/dorm, make sure it is free of your clutter. No one likes walking around pants and socks that have been lying in the living room for God knows how long. This especially goes for any food type containers; plates, cups, take out boxes, etc. Do NOT leave these sitting around. They get gross and gnats appear and then they take over your life. 

If one of you wants to throw a party, ALWAYS tell the roommates about a week beforehand. Sometimes they will be all for it, other times they will not. You don't know what is going on in their lives and if they need some quiet time when you want to rage, go do it somewhere else. Everyone should have the right to have quiet time in their own apartment while party time is rare (unless your roommates are party-ers than take the opposite of this advice).

 And remember, sometimes they are going to do things that bother you and that's okay. If it is something that they can physically fix, don't be afraid to tell them. Just don't be a bitch about it.

What to do when you feel screwed over

Hello friends!

This is a shitty thing to have happen to you but, hey, we have all been there. Whether it be at work, at school, at home, or, in most cases like my own, your relationship.

Here are some things you can do to try and move past it and NOT end up in the fetal position on your floor while you listen to Mumford and Sons.

STEP 1: BREATHE

Take a long 3 second inhale through your nose and a 3 second exhale through your mouth. This will slow your heart rate and get your blood pressure back to normal*. 

When shitty things happen to us, we tend to feel stressed and have a butt-load of anxiety. Breathing (though obvious) helps IMMENSELY. 

STEP 2: CRY 

Crying feels AWESOME and can instantly relieve unwanted stress that has been building up. Go find yourself a nice, quiet, corner and have a good cry. I would suggest the privacy of your own home or a bathroom stall.

And if anyone tells you that crying is for babies and weak people, feel free to punch them in the throat. Crying does NOT mean you are weak; it simply means you have so much crap going on in your life and you feel as though you are going to explode.

For all the guys out there, if you tell me that you have never cried or it doesn't feel good, than you are a bold faced liar and I can't believe you're defending your masculinity to a blog. GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEMININE SIDE!

Once you've breathed and had a good long cry (this can be repeated as many times as necessary), the next thing you should do is...

STEP 3: THINK

Do your best to take emotion out of the equation and REALLY think about what it is that has led you to this point.

What happened to make me feel this way?
What are some reason said thing happened?
What can I do, at this moment in time, to distract myself from whatever happened?
Is there something I can do for myself?

• get some ice cream
• work out
• watch cat videos on youtube
• etc

Feel free to write some things down so you have a permanent copy of what you are thinking to look back on. And NEVER say "why me?" EVER! You can have a moment of grief but don't act like this is the end of the world. Depending on what this situation is, the moment of grief can last anywhere from 20min-a few weeks.

Saying "why me?" is just bringing yourself down all over again and it is NOT good for you. Always remember this:

Everyone roots for the underdog.

BE. THE. UNDERDOG!

Show the world that this isn't going to bring your bad ass self down.

STEP 4: REMEMBER HOW AWESOME YOU ARE

Take a moment and be the most important person in the world and NOT be ashamed to do so.

Paint your nails, take a nap, veg out on the sofa and watch TV, play a video game, go shopping; Do something that makes you feel important and/or makes you happy.

If you are like me, you prefer doing things for others because making other people happy makes you happy. And this is okay! It is okay to be this kind of person. The problem with us is, we don't make enough time for ourselves.

MAKES TIME FOR YOU!!!

And never apologize for it. EVER.

You should be the most important person in your life. If you have a significant other, they can be right up there with you, but they should NEVER get above you because once you are not important to YOU, you have successfully forgotten who you are.

You are your own best friend and if you don't like yourself, why should anyone else?



If for some reason none of these seem to be working for you, I will suggest one more option only to be used in DIRE circumstances.

STEP 5: ASSERT YOURSELF 

I do not condone violence. However, there are specific circumstances when someone screws you over so badly that you black out for a little bit and aren't responsible for your actions.

Case and point: A boyfriend cheats on you and has lied to you about it time and time again and you catch him in the act. That would be a perfect time to throw some punches.

I have gotten to step 5 and, as good as it felt (which was REALLY good), it didn't fix my problems.

You have been warned.
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* I am not a doctor