Just Breathe

Deep breath in...2...3... and out.

How can one person screw up this much? I know how to work a phone and how to print things. But when the people I put on hold hang up or the printer is broken, everyone looks to me for blame. I am new here, just like you all were however many years ago you decided to sell your soul. Although I am sure the money is nice. That is the only reason I am still here; 1 week in, 3 more to go and I am so happy to be a temp.

You don't want to screw up and you want to make a good impression because 1 bad review and you won't get hired anywhere else.

There goes your spending money, rent money, grocery money, dog food money, chinchilla food money and transit money. Guess it's time to find a strip club somewhere. 

When life stresses you out and makes to feel as though everything is the worst, just take a deep breath and count to 10. Like Kimmy said "if you can get through 10 seconds you can get through anything"

Here are some thoughts from my day at the office:

• How the hell do you spell definitely (thanks spell check!)?
• Is it 5 yet?
• The door is closed and he's talking to someone but the phone is for him and I don't know if I should knock on the door or just let myself in or call his phone even though I'm 2 feet away?
• Where is that meowing coming from?
• I don't know where the last temp put that! Why are you shouting at ME?!
• Ah, shit. I just ordered to much paper...maybe no one will notice.
• This desk is going to be covered in sticky notes by the time I leave here.
• Guess I'll get my 5th cup of coffee for no reason other than to get away.
• Sometimes I feel like Emily in that scene from The Devil Wears Prada when Andy comes in late and Emily says "What took you so long I had to PEE!?"

• I am living the Devil Wears Prada
• I am Andy
• My boss is Miranda. A gay man Miranda.
• Okay, just Miranda.
• Instead of clothes it's art pieces 
• They're not good art pieces
• Some of them are okay
• Is it 5 yet?
• I wonder if anyone can notice this run in my tights?
• I should look at pictures of cute animals to pass the time.
• Should I water the plants that the woman I'm taking over for has?
• I accidentally tried drowning them
• I've been on pinterest for hours and I just can't anymore
• Who am I kidding? Let's search for cute animals.

To Be, Or Not To Be...A Temp

So you finally got a job! Sort of. 

This is it. You're first 9-5 job ever. You are an adult now. It is time to start acting like one.

Tips for acting like an adult:

• Wake up early
• 6:30am should be good
• Make yourself breakfast
• Time to start eating all those boxes of oatmeal you've accumulated 
• If you bought them, maybe you would be more than just a "only coffee in the morning" person
• Take a shower/put on your makeup
• Gotta look good now that you have a job where people care what you look like
• Pack yourself a lunch
• Let's face it, you are still to poor to go out every afternoon
• Put on your business attire!!
• Remind yourself to go buy business attire
• Get yo' ass out into that beautiful 9-5 world and be fabulous!
• After 8 hours, come home and wait for someone else to need you...

The life of a temp is stressful. You never know when you are going to get your next employment opportunity. Or, if you're lucky like I am, you're first temp job will be a long one.

BUT, if you are like everyone else, than you will have 1-2 day jobs most of the time. 

PROS

• $11-$15/hr
• Lunch break
• Bathroom whenever you want
• Most likely, you will be doing office work 
• Sitting on your butt all day

CONS

• You can't get into a routine
• Always going somewhere new
• Weeks of no work
• Small paychecks

But, so far, this month long gig is helping me pay my rent and that is all that matters. Any financial issue after this job is over is future me's problem.