Roommates

Roommates: you can't live with them and you can't afford an apartment without them.

Sometimes people get lucky and they end up rooming with random people who turn out to be the best and sometimes you get random people who end up being the worst. It is all a luck of the draw.

If you find that you have people who want to live with you: awesome! Don't fuck it up.

Here are some 20-something tips to not making the people you live with your enemies:

Have a sit down

Take a moment to sit down with all of your roommates and create a list of things each person doesn't like. This should consist of things in the apartment and NOT of each other. For example:

Problem: "I don't like when the dishes pile up"
Solution: "Okay, how about we all do our own dishes within 24 hours of being used."

Problem: "I don't like when people eat my food."
Solution: "Neither does anyone else."

Once you have a list of things each roommate would like to avoid in the apartment, then you can continue on to...

Compromises

If there are some problems that your roommate has that you don't, make a compromise with them. Example:

Roommate A: "I don't like the smell of weed."
Roommate B: "I love smoking weed. But if it bothers you, I can smoke it in my room."

A: "I want to have my boyfriend spend the night sometimes."
B: "That's uncomfortable for me. I would like to meet him BEFORE you invite him over."

A: "Please don't walk in my room when the door is closed"
B: "I will knock first. Who knows that you are doing in there..."

See! Look how well these two letters are getting along!

Togetherness Time!

Set a time once a week (or biweekly) to hang out with each other. Find a common interest and let yourselves bond. These people are going to be living with you for 9-12 months and everything runs smoother if they are your best friends and not your mortal enemy. 

Other

If there is a common area in your apartment/dorm, make sure it is free of your clutter. No one likes walking around pants and socks that have been lying in the living room for God knows how long. This especially goes for any food type containers; plates, cups, take out boxes, etc. Do NOT leave these sitting around. They get gross and gnats appear and then they take over your life. 

If one of you wants to throw a party, ALWAYS tell the roommates about a week beforehand. Sometimes they will be all for it, other times they will not. You don't know what is going on in their lives and if they need some quiet time when you want to rage, go do it somewhere else. Everyone should have the right to have quiet time in their own apartment while party time is rare (unless your roommates are party-ers than take the opposite of this advice).

 And remember, sometimes they are going to do things that bother you and that's okay. If it is something that they can physically fix, don't be afraid to tell them. Just don't be a bitch about it.

What to do when you feel screwed over

Hello friends!

This is a shitty thing to have happen to you but, hey, we have all been there. Whether it be at work, at school, at home, or, in most cases like my own, your relationship.

Here are some things you can do to try and move past it and NOT end up in the fetal position on your floor while you listen to Mumford and Sons.

STEP 1: BREATHE

Take a long 3 second inhale through your nose and a 3 second exhale through your mouth. This will slow your heart rate and get your blood pressure back to normal*. 

When shitty things happen to us, we tend to feel stressed and have a butt-load of anxiety. Breathing (though obvious) helps IMMENSELY. 

STEP 2: CRY 

Crying feels AWESOME and can instantly relieve unwanted stress that has been building up. Go find yourself a nice, quiet, corner and have a good cry. I would suggest the privacy of your own home or a bathroom stall.

And if anyone tells you that crying is for babies and weak people, feel free to punch them in the throat. Crying does NOT mean you are weak; it simply means you have so much crap going on in your life and you feel as though you are going to explode.

For all the guys out there, if you tell me that you have never cried or it doesn't feel good, than you are a bold faced liar and I can't believe you're defending your masculinity to a blog. GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEMININE SIDE!

Once you've breathed and had a good long cry (this can be repeated as many times as necessary), the next thing you should do is...

STEP 3: THINK

Do your best to take emotion out of the equation and REALLY think about what it is that has led you to this point.

What happened to make me feel this way?
What are some reason said thing happened?
What can I do, at this moment in time, to distract myself from whatever happened?
Is there something I can do for myself?

• get some ice cream
• work out
• watch cat videos on youtube
• etc

Feel free to write some things down so you have a permanent copy of what you are thinking to look back on. And NEVER say "why me?" EVER! You can have a moment of grief but don't act like this is the end of the world. Depending on what this situation is, the moment of grief can last anywhere from 20min-a few weeks.

Saying "why me?" is just bringing yourself down all over again and it is NOT good for you. Always remember this:

Everyone roots for the underdog.

BE. THE. UNDERDOG!

Show the world that this isn't going to bring your bad ass self down.

STEP 4: REMEMBER HOW AWESOME YOU ARE

Take a moment and be the most important person in the world and NOT be ashamed to do so.

Paint your nails, take a nap, veg out on the sofa and watch TV, play a video game, go shopping; Do something that makes you feel important and/or makes you happy.

If you are like me, you prefer doing things for others because making other people happy makes you happy. And this is okay! It is okay to be this kind of person. The problem with us is, we don't make enough time for ourselves.

MAKES TIME FOR YOU!!!

And never apologize for it. EVER.

You should be the most important person in your life. If you have a significant other, they can be right up there with you, but they should NEVER get above you because once you are not important to YOU, you have successfully forgotten who you are.

You are your own best friend and if you don't like yourself, why should anyone else?



If for some reason none of these seem to be working for you, I will suggest one more option only to be used in DIRE circumstances.

STEP 5: ASSERT YOURSELF 

I do not condone violence. However, there are specific circumstances when someone screws you over so badly that you black out for a little bit and aren't responsible for your actions.

Case and point: A boyfriend cheats on you and has lied to you about it time and time again and you catch him in the act. That would be a perfect time to throw some punches.

I have gotten to step 5 and, as good as it felt (which was REALLY good), it didn't fix my problems.

You have been warned.
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* I am not a doctor

In Other News...

I would like to start off this post by saying I have fallen victim to everything I am about to say. I was once someone who went through life without caring, at all, about this. But I have seen the light and changed my ways and now, I see the world through a new lens.

I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE WORLD

It all started one morning. It was a cool summer morn' and I was walking towards my Geography class at 9am. After sitting in the theatre-like seats with the tiniest of desk tops located ever so sneakily on the side of the chair so I can swing it up and place it in front of me (we all know what I am talking about. I don't think I need a picture), my professor informed us that we would NOT be talking about what he had planned. We would, however, be talking about what is going on in the world. 

Well, I had to qualms to this. I was interested as to what was happening in the world. Little did I know that I actually knew very little. Because then everyone started talking about Syria and the chemical weapons they used on their own people. 

My mind was racing. How did I not know about this? Did I live under a rock? What the hell is sarin gas? 

Did you think of this? This is Sauron. Not the same thing.

And that was it. It took me feeling like one of the dumbest people in the room to realize that I did not want to be that person. I want to know what is going on in the world and I want to be able to discuss the ideas I have about them with other people. I WANT TO BE INFORMED!

So I began searching for papers, news sights, articles, etc. Some of them I happen to enjoy (New York Times, skim that) and some of them I did not (Fox news). 

I began reading up on what was happening in the world and realizing the more I read, the less I actually knew what was happening outside my own life. This generation, my generation, finds themselves living in this fantasy world of technology and social networks where the only bad thing that could happen, is having someone un-friend them.

But, I can't fully blame the people for not caring, when we have a media that chooses to do something like this:

It almost seems like this country doesn't want us to know what is happening in other parts of the world. Sometimes, living in this country feels like you're living on a island with prison bars around you. 

But you can change that; you can take it upon yourself to look past the insignificant news articles about someone on Craigslist selling positive birth control tests and become educated! See what is happening in other corners of the planet than your own and finally grasp the idea that this world is a lot bigger than one country.

The Poison of Others

Everyone knows someone in their life who feels the need to put you down and belittle your very existence. Some of us can easily get away from these people when we graduate high school or college. However, there are others of us that are stuck with these people for life. Such as myself.

My "bully" happens to be my sister. My earliest memory is of myself showing off a pine cone that I had found. I had to have been no older than 1 year old. My sister (who is older than I am) runs up to me, takes my pine cone and throws it as far away as her chubby little arms could manage. Then she runs away.

This was only the first offense of her hatred toward me. There were constant death threats, punches, lying to our parents so I would get in trouble for things she did, putting my down by telling me that I will never find love and no one would ever want to be my friend. You know, sister things.

 I have, recently, just taken her out of my life as much as I possibly can. I am done. No one should have to feel useless because of things someone says. Especially if that someone is supposed to love you no matter what.

For those of you that have someone in your life that doesn't make you feel good about yourself: ditch them. They are no good to you.

Take a moment and think about the people in your life. Does anybody make you feel less then you are? Now, think hard about this because, if you are like me, you are so used to this person tormenting you that it has become a part of your life. THIS. IS. NOT. OKAY.

You are the only person that is allowed to dictate how you feel at any given moment in your life. No one controls you but you.

Get rid of all the poison in your life. You don't need people who aren't rooting for you because you bet your ass you are rooting for them and they do not deserve it.

Doing this will free you. You can finally grow up, become more mature and take control of your life! Only good things will come of this, you just have to gain some courage and be ready for a life change.

LOVE YOURSELF

Long Distance Relationships (LDR)

Here is the secret that most people do not tell you:

1. RELATIONSHIPS ARE EASY

Relationships are not meant to be hard. The only hard thing about them is finding someone willing to put up with all of your obnoxious/annoying behaviors because you put up with there's.

If you find yourself in a relationship that is difficult and you cannot fully be yourself in it; run. Run far and fast because if this significant other of yours cannot accept you for YOU and NOT who you think they want you to be, it is not going to end well; might as well get out before any real damage is caused.

Also, you should never be afraid! You should always be excited! You're first kiss is inevitable? Plant that sucker on them. Things are getting a little serious? Make sure you have a rubber.

This is the biggest piece of advice I can give newly found love:

NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR ANYTHING

You should never have to say sorry to anyone for being who you are. And yes, I understand that this has been said in teen magazines and by celebrities who are paid to tell you to "be yourself" but I am neither a celebrity nor a paid writer. I am someone who has witnessed and been in these situations. It is not enjoyable for anyone.

Some signs this may not be the right person for you:

• You find yourself being jealous of every other girl (guy)* they talk to
• You laugh at anything he (she) says, even if it isn't funny
• You pull back on telling a joke because you don't want to offend him (her)**
• If they aren't someone you want to introduce to your family
• If they aren't someone you want to introduce to your friends
• If they aren't someone you want to introduce to your roommate(s)
• Their friends drive you crazy
• You can't stand some of the things they do
• bite their nails
• snort when laughing
• pick their toes
• chew with their mouth open
• etc.
• You find yourself not wanting to be around them
• You find yourself wanting to be around them too often (you justify it by saying you are "just keeping an eye on them". That is not trusting them. You are not justifying anything)

This list could go on forever and I am sure you are thinking of some I did not put on there but I think you get the idea. 

The easiest and best relationships you can have are the ones you don't go looking for. Don't be with someone because you are lonely or because everyone else around you is dating someone. That is what one night stands are for.*** The easiest relationships are ones where you don't have to try. Everything is easy because being around this other person brings out the best in you and, to sound as cliche as possible, completes you.

 

        

       2.  LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD

Now you are probably all saying (or thinking, I would hope you're not talking to your computer) "hey now, I thought you just said relationships are easy?!"

Well calm down because you are right; I did say that. However, long distance relationships or LDR's are difficult in the sense that you are not around your significant other as much as you usually are.

It is sad to see 2 amazing people, perfect for each other find themselves in an LDR and don't make it out alive. They are hard. They challenge you in ways you could have never prepared for. But, at the same time, they shape you for the better. And the number one killer of LDR's is...

JEALOUSY!!

Yeah! You crumple up that jealousy heart! Then throw it in the fire and watch it burn!!

First off, CONGRATULATIONS on finding the perfect person for you! You are a lot farther than most people.What's that you say? He is leaving you for an extended period of time and you won't be able to see him as often? Well, wipe those tears away and listen to some advice from your LDR expert in the field!

Yes. That is right. I am currently in an LDR. We are only 250 miles away from each other which, compared to most other LDR's, is a cake walk. It is difficult to be away from someone you love so much and who loves you right back. But why is it difficult? In all fairness, it really shouldn't be. The only thing you aren't getting out of it is sex which, let's face it, that is was skype is actually for.

If you trust him, love him unconditionally, understand that he will be busy (as well as yourself) and set aside some time everyday to talk to him; chances are high that you two will be fine.

If you are jealous of everyone he is talking to on FB*, call him after every hour to "check up on him", text him what you are eating for lunch, ignore calls from him because you are "too busy"; chances are you are not going to last very long.

If you are trusting and trustworthy and understand that there are going to be times when one of you is busier than the other, you will win your LDR. 

Here is a list of some LDR ideas and things to remember:

• Skype
• Writing physical letters
• Weekly care packages (My 39 Week LDR)
• Set aside some time everyday just to call each other, even if it is before you go to sleep, just to say "I love you"
• Share good news with each other
• Be supportive of whatever they do
• Send them care packages
• Find some time to physically go visit them. This may be difficult but it will always be worth it.
• Pick up a hobby**

Always remember that you have found someone who loves you for you. And you love them for them. It is as simple as that. Stop trying to complicate it.



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* Do men even read this blog? 
** I'm sorry but this is going to be obnoxious after a while. If you are, in fact, a male reading this, just fix the gender to meet your fancy. This also goes for anyone who doesn't find the gender pairing meeting their individual needs. 
*** I, personally, am not a fan of one night stands, but I do not judge. 
* See post number 1 "Social Media"
** Hobbies are a great way to take your mind off of the distance. It is also a great way to calm your mind (for those of you that over think things).

Social Media

Remember when you were young? How great it was to meet up with your best friend on the blacktop at recess and talk about how un-cool your parents are and what your sister did to you last night?

Remember when you had a pen-pal in a different state and it was the coolest feeling to get mail from them and then return the favor?

What the hell has happened?

 

Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest; they've become a part of our subconscious programming.

We now live in a world where he crave the recognition of other people who don't even know us! We pretend to be someone that others want to be around, so, we sit at our computer for 30 minutes trying to think of the perfect facebook status that will get you so man likes. Why?

Why do we feel the need to please other people through a series of inter-web lies? Who really are these "freinds" of ours? I can guarantee that you do not hang out with or physically socialize with 99% of your friends. So why are we all trying to hard to be liked? When did everyone start hating themselves?

Now, I am not saying social media is terrible, it has some great purposes:

1. You can reconnect with friends whom you haven't spoken to in years because of school/work/travel/etc
2. It is a great way to network with people or places you may want to become involved with later in life.
3. You can actually obtain pictures of yourself without having to go to Walgreens and wait for film to develop only to find out that half of them came out dark and blurry.
4. How would you ever know about that party you probably aren't going to go to?!

Social media is NOT a bad thing. It is, however, terrible how this generation relies on it so heavily.

Some 20-something do's and dont's about social media:

DO:

• See what people are up to
• Get in touch with long lost friends
• Check and see if there are any events in your area that tickle your fancy
• Find pages (on facebook) that you enjoy and want to know more about
• This would include companies, theatres, restaurants (coupons and such), your college campus, the town you live in, that coffee shop around the corner you're secretly obsessed with, etc
• Checking out those pictures your friend put up from their trip to Italy
• Share your successes with others
• This can be tricky because if you do it wrong, it falls into "bragging". When I say successes, I mean a production you're in at college, that dream job you finally got, the birth of your child, etc. In short, post something worth the time of others.

DON'T

• Comment on every FB status or picture you see
• Complain about ANYTHING
• Seriously, don't complain
• Just don't do it
• Share personal experiences that many to all people will find uncomfortable
• This includes, but is not limited to:
• that boy you kissed who shoved his tongue down your throat
• how you pooped the table during child birth
• that time at that club when that guy totally grabbed your ass
• how much supposed swag you have 
• something like this, is not okay:

• Express your feelings of sexism and racism
• Upload pictures of you doing sexy things
• Talk to your ex. AT ALL
• Brag
• See "sharing your success with others" in the DO list
• ASSUME ANYTHING

"Why is that last one seem like it's yelling at me?" you may wonder. Well, friend, I will tell you. Assuming anything on the social media will destroy your life. Take everything you see for what it is: "unimportant".

You see some girl posting on your BF's wall? Cool.
You think someone is talking about you? Whatever.
That picture of you looks terrible and the bitch that put it up clearly has it out for you? I don't care.

Repeat after me:
IT IS NOT LIFE.

Social media is like a tiny parasite that eats its way through your brain and controls your from the inside. And, what most people don't know, is how easy it is to get rid of. Facebook is NOT an addiction. You do not need it and it does not control you. Facebook and every other social media site is put on the internet to distract your from real life. And, hey, sometimes we need a distraction every now and then. But don't let it become the most important part of your life. If you find yourself on the internet for 3 hours straight doing absolutely nothing progressive, it's time to rethink your life choices and maybe pick up a hobby. You are just distracting yourself from important things that NEED to get done. Life is not in a computer; it's all around you and you're not going to experience it unless you go out and find it.

Full disclosure: I have been one of those "don't" people. I am not perfect. At all. Like, not even close. Pinterest is my downfall.